transformers2005fandomcom-20200215-history
An Interview for Needlenose
Friday, April 27, 2012, 6:37 AM EDC Station – Mars Somewhere between the Martian Lake and the Badlands is this installation, the EDC's original base on Mars. This particular room is circular in shape, about 50 feet in diameter, and has a 50' domed ceiling. Everything is lined in thick concrete and reinforced steel. Computer terminals ring the eastern and southern walls, set on low alert status and covered with protective plastic covers. Amber receives a radio message from Needlenose: <> Amber sends a radio message to Needlenose: Busy busy busy… Going to voicemail. Please leave your name, number, and a message at the sound of the tone. Thank you. Amber receives a radio message from Needlenose: Oh for crying out-- *ahem* Greetings, Ms. MacKenzie. This is Needlenose of the mighty, awesome, and super cool Decepticon Empire! It has come to my, Needlenose, attention that your pithy little stories are CLEARLY biased. Biased towards the completely uncool Autobots! Now at first I, Needlenose, was ready to blame you. But then I, Needlenose, said to myself, Needlenose: "Needlenose, you know how these Autobot propaganda machines work. Clearly this poor reporter has been fooled by the Autobot lies they like to spill. Why, she probably hasn't ever had a chance to see the Decepticons up close and personal and learn about how awesome we are. Thus, I, Needlenose, am giving you the chance. I offer myself as an interview subject so that I may share the wisdom and glory and, just in case you missed it the first few times, coolness that is the Decepticons. Think of it as the easiest Pulitzer you've ever won. I, Needlenose, can be reached at 1-800-Con4eva. I look forward to hearing from you. Amber sends a radio message to Needlenose: There's a bit of a wait before Amber responds. She was obviously very busy, or perhaps she was overawed by being contacted by him, Needlenose, but in actuality, she was laughing hysterically. By the time she returns the call, her voice is calm and professional. "Good evening, Mr. Needlenose. It's indeed a pleasure to hear from you. And you do have an excellent point; a lot of the information I've heard concerning the Decepticons has come from the Autobots, and they are obviously a biased source. An interview with you would be a great honor..." Her voice takes on the tone of a breathlessly-thrilled blonde bimbo. "...but it doesn't seem practical at this time. How do you suggest we resolve this problem, sir? " Amber receives a radio message from Needlenose: Oh, why hello Ms. MacKenzie. I was just helping out some innocent orphans when you called. I'm very happy to hear from you. I knew you'd jump at the chance to get both sides of the story. I'm sure that once you've heard the Decepticon way, you'll realize just how lame the Autobots are. If this is a bad time--and it is for me as well, what with all the orphan helping I'm doing--we can either wait until you're able, or we could have a telephone interview. Amber sends a radio message to Needlenose: Of course I wouldn't interrupt you while you're engaged in such important charitable work! Though it is a great, personal sacrifice to me to miss this priceless opportunity to get the real story, I understand that for you, helping others is more important than silly fame. With much regret, I agree to a temporary postponement. Perhaps one day we'll meet in person, and I can have the interview of a lifetime. Thank you, sir, thank you so much for this chance! Amber receives a radio message from Needlenose: Outstanding. Thank you, Ms. MacKenzie. And you be careful around those Autobots, ok? They're devious. Oh, and the EDC, too. They're mostly psychopaths, so it's a good idea to watch your step around them. Amber sends a radio message to Needlenose: You know, I've been seeing some rather suspicious behavior all along, but wrote it off as silly paranoia. The way they're always watching me... Do you ever get that feeling, that unseen eyes are upon you, no matter where you go? That even a comrade looks quickly away as soon as you turn to them, hiding their diabolical interest in you? It could be anyone... all of them are watching you behind your back, talking about you as soon as you leave the room, starting filthy rumors and lies. You can't trust anyone! Amber receives a radio message from Needlenose: Wait, really? Er, I mean, oh, really, that does not surprise me. I don't know that feeling, as we Decepticons are built on trust. In fact, we even created a new division all about trust. The Trusticons. They're g... they're gr...ehhh....t! Amber sends a radio message to Needlenose: Not everyone is as they seem, sir. Please, please be careful. They're all around us. They smile in your face, but all the time they want to take your place. Haven't you ever walked into a room with people talking, and they all fall silent? You know that they were conspiring against you. What lies are they telling your commanders behind your back? Maybe that's the reason why you don't get the promotions you so richly deserve. Amber receives a radio message from Needlenose: I will, Ms. MacKenzie. I promise I will be careful. We'll talk next time!